self-pity...

i guess that's what it is...

there are changes in our staff going on right now... on top of that... there are ongoing feelings of inadequacy that i seem to have at my job... everyone knew jennifer better, so when someone needs something done... they call her first... which kind of bothers me... actually it bothers me a lot... she works part time from home... i work full time one or two cubicles down... and i feel like few people are confident in my work, which makes me feel less confident... and i go home feeling defeated many days out of the week...

when i started thinking about a job change last week (prayer request post), i felt like things changed a little bit... especially when i came back and said i was starting the application process to go overseas for 2 years... now, i feel like the confidence thing is worse... i don't like the way it feels at all... part of me wishes i hadn't said anything, but i needed to be honest... and if they didn't know, that wouldn't be a good thing...

this is one of those times when it feels hard to work in a christian place, because so much of my personal life is translated over into my work life... if i could keep everything separate, it would be easier, but there's so much overlap because of the nature of my work environment... part of me wants to run away... but i won't do that... so i guess it will just have to be...